Depression is Vile

…. there we go, I said it… again!

Many people who read this blog have come via my post on Citalopram – a nasty but effective SSRI which helps to make life feel a little more normal.

I’ve been taking it at the maximum dose for a number of years now for both my depression and my anxiety. I speak about it a lot as it shouldn’t be considered shameful or something to be hidden away – these days, life itself is so far from perfect for most of us, there’s a lot more empathy and recognition out there than there was even two or three years ago, and I’m happy to have hopefully played a part of being the generation breaking that wall.

It’s with great upset that I share the news that my depression has come back, big time.

As many of my friends will know there have been a number of rubbish things happen already this year. 2017 is my 2016. Last Tuesday everything felt so bad I ended up reaching out to The Samaritans as a way to vent. Fortunately, a good night of sleep and a kindly response from them tempered down what I was feeling the night before, and I must stress I was never in danger of anything morbid – simply, I felt a sense of incredible loneliness, lack of self-worth and felt a lot of the things that I was doing in my daily life were simply without point, purpose or recognition. I was exhausted, aching and broken. I genuinely hope you never feel so low.

Saw the GP yesterday and she’s given me two weeks away from work and asked me to try and get back to doing things that I love doing to bring my mood up and hopefully silence the vicious whisper in my head.

One of the things that I love doing is writing online, so here we are! 🙂

I’m not after sympathy, empathy or any other ‘thy’ – nor am I ‘brave’. I’m simply a 31 year old geek trying to get through life as best I can and, whilst it’s messy, I know I already am fortunate enough to live an amazing life – my brain just needs time to rest and heal a little.

Simply, this is me and it’s who I am.

About Gari

Northern lad; living out in the Peak District and rediscovering life after having had a brain tumour.

2 Responses

  1. Philip Evans

    I spent most of last year in bed. After losing mum it seemed that I had no purpose in life. Somehow depressive episodes end and the sunshine comes back. You aren’t alone. You’re not a burden or looking for sympathy. I feel your pain. Keep living each day at a time.

    Liked by 1 person

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