Argh, it’s the summer!

So, it’s the summer, all the ‘beautiful people’ are out and about with their tops off, muscles out, and once again, I feel awful!

I’ve always had quite a low self-image, despite never really having a lack of attention (weird, I know). I think that I am quite a shy person, and despite occasionally being camper than a row of tents housing a boy-scout orgy (I blame the 80s music – it sets me off!); I am fundamentally very insecure in a lot of things that I do/think, especially when it comes to how I appear/come across to other people.

Today, and unusually(!), I spontaneously decided that I really wanted to buy some shorts and some new shoes to go with them, as the weather down here in London at the moment is simply heavenly (and set to last for a few months!). Shorts and I are a bit of a no-no. I don’t often do anything outside of the normal jeans and t-shirt, and have only recently started to accessorise myself again! I am very rarely seen in public without a top on, and even as a child, I always made myself shower and dress before going downstairs to spend ‘lounging around in the morning’ time with the family. I absolutely hate clothes shopping, as I am never any good at picking clothes out for myself, in the past, folk have just been out and bought them for me. I suppose that I find clothes on a rack boring and lifeless, and lack the confidence to approach a sales assistant and try items on and start experiment a little.

Anyway, cue MUCH faffing around trying to find some shorts that I actually thought looked OK and wanted to try on, and then trying to find a pair that I thought went with what I thought the pair of Converse that I bought this time last year, and hadn’t seen since, looked like (justified at the time as a purchase to go with *any* pair of shorts that I happened to buy… but in the end bought none!), I finally settled on the below (plus a new pair of shoes… just in case ;))


Converse purchased last year - never worn
Converse purchased last year - never worn
New shoes by 'Super Dry'
New shoes by 'Super Dry'

Going to wear the shorts tomorrow… very worried that I’ll look silly in them, or that my outfit won’t look right, but I shall give it a go!

As for the body, I think that I’m going to try and hammer the Wii Fit for a few days and see if that does anything! Although I’m a 29″ waist, I still have a BMI of around 23.5 and I really would like some definition to my stomach area (and to lose the paunch!). Granted, I am not ‘fat’, however I’m not exactly skinny either!

I seem to have gone several shades darker from the sun this week (yay), though have the usual faff of having to remember to keep my glasses off (as otherwise I’d get glasses marks, cue even more embarassment!) and my hair quiffed up. I have also taken to not wearing a watch, and to rolling my sleeves up to the top to ensure I get a tan right the way up my arm (before feeling silly, and rolling them back down again). All this, just to look ‘normal’ in the summer – argh!

At the moment though, and returning to my opening frustration, it is just really hard to look at all these people walking around with fabulous physiques, as it’s making me feel absolutely terrible! I’m sure that I’m not the only one who feels like this… surely there must be SOME other ‘normal’ shaped people out there without ripped six-packs…right?!  🙂

About Gari

Northern lad; living out in the Peak District and rediscovering life after having had a brain tumour.

7 Responses

  1. Reading this made me smile! Please feel great about yourself, it’s sad when people don’t have self confidence. You sound like a great person. It’s kind of “cute” to read that you’re a bit nervous about this change, but you should go out there and do your own thing 🙂

    As for “…even as a child, I always made myself shower and dress before going downstairs to spend ‘lounging around in the morning’ time with the family” I HAVE to take a shower in the morning, too. I can’t function otherwise.

    Hope you find yourself liking shorts!


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